Ben and I genuinely enjoy most of the same fandoms, which usually makes it really easy to find something that we both want to watch, read, or play together. When we met, we already had similar tastes in shows and books, and introducing one another to things has always been a fun part of our relationship and marriage. I’ve never had to convince him to watch Jane Austen adaptations with me (except maybe the 6 hour Pride and Prejudice, because he’s crazy and thinks the Kiera Knightley version is actually good), and he’s never had to convince me to try out his video games.

With one notable exception.

Ben LOVES Pokémon. I do not. And it will probably stay that way.

Pokémon has been a part of Ben’s life since childhood. I thought the cards looked sort of fun when I was six and even briefly owned a card “collection” that mostly consisted of cards that I liked because they were shiny or the Pokémon they featured reminded me of my favorite Beanie Babies or My Little Ponies. But I lost interest pretty quickly. 

When we first got married, I knew he liked Pokémon…but as we began to acquire game after game in an effort to find all the games he never got to play as a kid, I began to realize this was something more than just a casual interest.

This was an obsession.

And I had to do something about it.

What to Do When Your Spouse Loves Pokémon, But You Don’t*

*this can apply to any form of entertainment about which you and your spouse don’t see eye-to-eye

1. Try it out.

I am a firm believer in getting involved in things that are important to your spouse, even if you yourself don’t care about them. So with this in mind, I have, in the name of love, tried Pokémon Go!,  Let’s Go: Eevee, Pokken Tournament, and Pokémon: Shield (or maybe it was Sword? We own both for some reason so I can’t ever remember which one it was). I didn’t make it very far into any of them before losing interest. 

Here’s the thing: Pokémon is boring. It’s boring to capture monsters with silly, unpronounceable names so that you can add them to your nebulous collection and promptly forget that they’re there. It’s boring to have monsters with silly, unpronounceable names ambush you every five seconds when you’re just trying to leave the tutorial area. It’s boring to take turns sending attacks from your monster with a silly, unpronounceable name to attack someone else’s monster with a silly, unpronounceable name.

Part of all this, I think, is that I’ve never been a fan of games with turn-based combat, and I don’t really care about all the different kinds of Pokémon you can catch. But even after trying several different formats of Pokémon games and still abandoning them with relish, I had to admit: Pokémon just wasn’t my thing.

I think Ben appreciated that I gave it an honest try, though. The thing about trying to geek out with your spouse, even if you don’t end up loving their fandom, is that it helps them know you care about them and were willing to try it for them. So it’s fine if you don’t end up loving it as well. You still get points for trying. 😉

2. But wait! Don’t flee the room every time they fire it up.

I’ve watched Ben play most of the Pokémon games we have for our Switch (because the rest of them are all for the 3DS or other handheld consoles…thank goodness). 

Most of the time, watching Ben play a game makes me want to at least try it if it’s not one I already wanted to play myself. With Pokémon though, I never felt the need to become a backseat gamer (see the above section). I also didn’t understand what was fun about collecting, trading, or battling with Pokémon. 

But watching Ben play (or at least existing in the same room while he does) IS enjoyable for me, even if I can’t help but roll my eyes at the Pokémon names (more on that later) or want to block out the very annoying, repetitive music. It’s enjoyable because I enjoy Ben’s company, even when he’s playing Pokémon. I can joke around with him while he’s playing, ask him questions about it, and feel invested in Ben’s interests, even though I still definitely don’t want to play it myself. And I think Ben enjoys the company while he’s playing, even though he gets to listen to some of my snark throughout. Which brings me to my next point. 

3. Keep your snarky comments about dumb Pokémon names to yourself…except for when they slip out.

Sometimes I just can’t with the Pokémon names, or with the characters or other game storylines. I think they’re silly and can’t resist poking fun at them. 

Chandelure? More like Chandeloser, amiright?

I mean, how doofy does this one look? What if it wants to have a snack? What if it gets tired of lugging that thing around all the time? Its dentist must cry every time it goes in for a cleaning after grinding that thing nonstop between its teeth.

This guy’s outfit just kills me. Why do you need athletic shorts to be a Pokémon Champion? The Pokémon are doing all the work. He’s just going to stand there on the sidelines.

I know, I know, it’s super mean of me. Luckily, Ben has a good sense of humor, and usually thinks my snark is funny, which is the only reason I keep doing it: it makes him laugh.

BUT: I wouldn’t poke fun at Pokémon at all if I knew my teasing actually bothered him. I would keep my snark to myself. 

And I think that’s really the important thing here. Even if the thing your spouse loves seems silly, if you know it would bother them for you to tease them about it or scoff at it, DON’T. It’s mean, and it reduces the enjoyment they get out of it. Even if all you can do is keep quiet while they geek out, just let them. It’s a greater act of love than trying to turn them against it. (Not that I’ve tried…)

But if your spouse is good-natured about it, and you’ve given it an honest try, then by all means joke about it. One of my favorite ways to make Ben laugh is to poke fun at Pokémon while he’s playing. And (see above), making him crack up about Pokémon is one of the ways we can bond over it, even if I one hundred percent do not care about that shiny one he caught last time he played.

4. Accept that they will introduce Pokémon to your children and there’s nothing you can do about it. 

Ben crocheted a Mew amigurumi for Geekling when he was still a baby, and Geekling can’t sleep without it. I pretended not to care about it at first, but it’s very cute and quite impressive that Ben crocheted it on his first try, even if it’s a little misshapen now that Geekling has started to fling it at things by its tail. Ben has plans to crochet a Gengar, too, because Geekling loves Gengar. (Five years ago I’d have had no idea what either of those were.) 

But the sharing isn’t limited to crocheting cute stuffies for our son. When we started introducing Geekling to more screen time, Pokémon was one of the first things Ben put on the Switch. It is pretty universally family friendly, and their playing together gives me a little break for some alone time when I need it. 

But more than that, Geekling loves catching Pokémon. I don’t think he actually cares about the storyline at all—he just likes to add new ones to their collection, and he loves to give them nicknames, which are actually the best since they’re coming from a toddler. Ben and Geekling currently have a couple hundred named “Froggy,” a couple named “Butter Roll” and one called “Oh No Stink.” And those are just a few of the highlights. I couldn’t tell you what Pokémon any of them actually are. But they’re actually pretty apt descriptions for what some of them look like. 

5. Realize you’re fighting a losing battle when your son asks you to buy Pokémon Band-Aids at Target.

And how could I even consider saying no? Band-Aids should be fun. 

Geekling has asked me to play Pokémon with him a couple of times while Ben is at work, but I think he’s realized that Mommy is not as fun to play with as Daddy is. (I try so hard to fake enthusiasm for it, too!) Meanwhile, the things I’ve tried to introduce from my childhood, like The Lion King or Toy Story (originals, not live actions or sequels, barf) have been met with unequivocal rejection. I try not to get too offended by this. He’s still a few years too young to be able to appreciate Harry Potter, after all. But it’s fun to watch him develop his own interests, even if they’re not all the same as mine. I’m just hoping he’ll pick something…better…next.

6. Embrace it. And maybe, once in a while, learn to say a few Pokémon names right.

It’s pretty stinking heartwarming to watch Ben and Geekling play Pokémon together. It’s their thing. Geekling gets so excited when Ben is home from work and has time to play a little with him. And listening to Geekling come up with nicknames for every Pokémon they capture together is truly one of my favorite things ever. 

I absolutely do not like playing Pokémon myself and I don’t think that’s ever going to change. But Pokémon is important to Ben, and will probably be important to my kids as a treasured memory of fun times with their dad when they were little.

And because of that, it’s important to me.